Tears come –
a leak in my
soft, weary eyes
paints the mural
of my life.
Salty stains fall
silently on my
worn out canvas.
Often we push
our Soul’s desire
and the body
screams for us to stop.
But I wonder what it takes
to ‘do’ nothing when the
world demands we ‘do’
swollen with tears,
like a helium latex balloon,
stretched and filled with air….
I had a large green one, once
when I was seven.
They were new…. nothing
like it had ever been seen in
our little, sober village
where neighbours gossiped
and stabbed each other in
the back with words.
I just wanted the helium balloon
to carry me away…..
way up, way out, way beyond….
where I didn’t have to be
squeezed in my heart, in my soul.
Now, I realise my balloon did come.
Music carried me away…
way up, way out, way beyond anything
I ever knew there in the little village
with their little tiny thoughts and heavy lives.
As swollen rivers burst their banks
so too do swollen, red-rubbed eyes ….
then water flows and the pressure drops.
Helium balloons do land, eventually.
Eyes moist, no reason for tears to sit, sometimes leaking down a face which doesn’t realise they are there, let alone know why. Very strange and mysterious is the interior life which knows incalcuable depths, yet keeps those same vaults hidden and locked away from world ….. and smiling, survivor self.
The rolling of the rain
shattering the silence
on muddy windowpanes….
Fire embers glowing hot & red
while bare feet stamp
defiantely on their way to bed.
Once she knew, or thought she did,
of where the code on how to live,
Yet now, mellow lines within
her ageing skin,
carry the stories of
of her kith and kin …..
Like rain on dirty glass
is never to be truly clean
so the tears which flow,
tumbling, quietly down between
the voices in her scrambled mind,
always, she would know,
her roots are never to be left behind.
…..and my eyes stood on blood red
stalks once again,
as the tornado of words and emotions
ripped through my heart……
“Now I have MRSA, mum.
I have to wash clothes, bedding and towels
EVERY day until it’s gone.”
Speechless but not tearless I felt
the panic that only a mother knows.
As if she needed yet another trial
to challenge her life and those of
her young, wildly sweet children.
As if Chiari 1 Malfomation weren’t enough,
as if Life couldn’t just sqeeze a break for her
out of the tube we all roll around in……
I wanted to bang my head against the cottage wall.
I wanted…. I still want….. to make it all go away,
as any mother would……
My eyes are full.
Full with weight
of small stones I carry.
Stones about us all,
about the cries and moans
of labour through, into the next life…..
As the sperm fertilizes the egg,
so the child comes into the world
planting its seed…..
We grow towards being born
through our Human footprints,
those oh so heavy footprints,
towards our dying….
So soon we do move, stones and all,
into the ‘next life’.
Birthing and Dying –
on and on with our many stones.