Ashah ashah ashah ashah….wind rattles
my face, my life.
Leather, the reins
as I steam through dark night.
Breath seems so tight,
so determined, so hard
that my howling is cutting,
scarring the world.
I ride through the bracken
not afraid of Dark Horse
for she and me shatter
boundaries with force.
This terror is screaming
in sinew and vein
as my body convulses;
Ashah ashah ashah ashah…..
* dedicating this to all who suffer with invisible illness.*
Have you ever curled yourself up close, twisting and turning your soft bright hair? Or seen the moon’s wild fingers entwined so fine and silky there? And did you know she worked a form, a loose weave cradle in a bed of beams? Or maybe even wrestled in the night, with yearning and exotic dreams?
Have you ever stood high in the branches of the greenest mulberry tree, away up high from eyes that glare, while your swift feet dance as you fly the air As you hold the mystery that is really yours for the silent message your eye adores.
I ask you barefoot traveller now – Do you dare, do you care and……..are you truly there?
Have you ever held a fieresome promise to your patient inner child, despite your crashing around on solid ground, a vagabond of hearts and forward thinking, shardlike minds?
If you Sqeeze between the branches of your rhythmic heart and ask a question that’s in perfect time, your Love so gentle as the springtime rain will whisper to your wild life…. the courageous voice …. his song, such Love, again.
OK – I don’t do overwhelm at all well! I never have, but it was easier when I was younger…. There was always a way of transcending that terrible feeling of being weighted down. Not anymore – so what has changed? My perception. I have an auto- immune illness and and I’m a lot older.
I don’t like to moan about life at all, so finding a way of expressing the feelings of being in this staggeringly snare filled jungle of briars and nettles, is like having my breath stopped. ‘The Silent Scream’ comes to mind. I’m sure I’m not alone in this, yet it is the most isolating feeling – a madness which threatens even the stability of the best of us.
So…., how to remedy it? I have just read back over what I’ve written. The answer doesn’t lie in the making of lists, prioritising etc, at this point. When suffering overwhelm, it is just too much to do that as I can’t ‘think’. No, the answer lies in my statement, “it’s like having my breath stopped”. So I take it right back TO my breath.
I sit quietly. (Preferably without my cat on
My lap – dribbling!).
I close my eyes.
I hear the sounds outside of birds singing.
I feel the air on my skin.
I feel the chair under me and supporting my back.
I bring awareness to my breathing, noticing I am gripping my upper abdomen/solar plexus.
I get curious, sensing the movement or lack of movement, in and out as the ribs lift and fall, enabling the lungs to utilise the intake of oxygen.
The movement is small, I begin to feel the tension falling away, dissolving and freeing.
I notice how I have stilled my mind through my awareness of my breathing.
I sit, allowing myself to deeply enjoy my own breath, my own sense of self.
Now I can move forward…. ‘Overwhelm’ has dissipated and I can begin to make a lists of priorities.
I drink a glass of water to flush out the toxins which the overwhelm is likely to have produced.
I see you….
in the mist across the field
at dew time, emerging light time….
you with the flickering sunbeam in your hands
which weaves and mends soft threadbare hearts.
I see you are connected to me
eternal, timeless, pulsating Light.
with the rhythms of time
into the mystical space
between wakefulness and sleep.
There, in another world,
suspended in the mist,
I am weightless,
a pleasing, matter-free being.
Communion with timeless space
floats the portal ever closer ….
the doorway into dreamy sleep…….
Come meet me there
for we have dancing to sing
and stories to create……
till we again segue into another earth day.