Detour

Detour

Whisper the air across your lips
into the curve of my soft, chilled face.
I don’t want the detours of the ordinary life
which dance in and out of the longing heart.
The drumming, the pounding and beating
of the pulse when drama is around,
drags me away from Love…..
drags me….
drags me like a raggedy cat
through the mogflap of the world……
Bring your lips to my glass
and run your tongue around the golden rim
and make it sound.
The luscious wine of eros will drag YOU back
from your detouring mind!

Advertisements

Wild

Seize the day as night comes slowly
to gather and hide the Light.
Be present in your breath for
therein lies the wisdom of your Life.
Crack wide the rigid bones of your ribs
for there, nestled within that cage,
lies the cavern of your wild and glorious Love.

Pushing

Tears come –
a leak in my
soft, weary eyes
paints the mural
of my life.
Salty stains fall
silently on my
worn out canvas.
Often we push
ourselves beyond
our Soul’s desire
and the body
screams for us to stop.
But I wonder what it takes
to ‘do’ nothing when the
world demands we ‘do’
it all………….

FC 18/9/2015white-poppy-close-up1-212x300

LIVING WITH FIBROMYALGIA and CHRONIC ILLNESS. Is fighting it the right way?

images-1

Hello!

I haven’t posted for a while….all too often Life happens when all you want to do is sit with your own thoughts, in your own space, doing your own thing. So here I am, on the wings of the creative Muse, being called back to Me.

It’s a soggy day here in Snailwell and yes, I can confidently say that, should I venture into my garden, there will be a snail and slug patrol going on, looking for the next tasty treat to ravage! The skies are clearing now. For a while it felt like someone had scooped up my cottage and shoved it into a black hole. It’s pretty grim for the 26th of August; bring back the sun – please.

I was just thinking, as I sat down in my armchair here, I am living everyday with Fibromyalgia (FMS) and although I know there are people far worse off than me, in my life, the impact it has, is very difficult. I never contemplated getting to the age of 62 and feeling A) in constant pain or discomfort. B) Being unable to walk more than a few steps without being in almost immovable pain. C) Feeling completely thrown into the void of bewilderment about my life, what it’s been, where I am now and where I am going. D) struggling on a daily basis, not to DO my work as a Singing Teacher/ Therapist, but to actually cope with the logistics of the unknown; what will today bring when I step outside the door?

Still recovering from a little dance with cancer  four years ago and a couple of other pretty significant surgeries three and two years ago, the Fibro is now playing havoc with my body. Those of us with this chronic dis-ease in our systems know all too well how exhausting it can be to carry on….. people talk about ‘Fighting’ cancer or chronic illness….. I don’t ….. I believe we have to take a long, deep warm in-breath and just sit with what is, allowing the passage through to something else. Being kind to oneself is not always easy, especially if you have lived a life where you have complied with the done thing, of pushing yourself to overcome that which is getting you down.

My Life has changed significantly in the last five years and just now, I don’t know where I’m going, or really have much of a sense of who I am anymore, but I do know this: we are drip-fed a lot of illusions in our lives. ‘You can be anything you want to be’, ‘you can have anything you want to have’, ‘you are X’ etc etc. This is not true; these things are illusions. Actually, at the end of the day, when we begin to really look at our lives and accept the conditions we find ourselves in, we see that all we have left is our innate ability to Love and be Loved and out of that other things may grow, if we allow them to.

As for the pain? Toxins come in many forms….. it’s isn’t entirely one thing or the other. It is a combination of ‘poisons’ which inhabit our bodies, a lot of which are environmental, belief systems about ourselves and others and the more obvious things like foods and chemicals in medications and on the land. No doubt there are other things too but these I’ve listed are for me, the building blocks of dis-ease. For example, when someone is led to believe they are ‘stupid’, they will often take that on board if there isn’t anything to counter that abuse. With that belief deeply buried in their physical and energetic bodies, they will become ‘stupid’ and as such, they will experience pain on one or more levels. Changing those deeply embodied beliefs is not easy, it would seem. However, acceptance of how things have been and are, does release the strangle hold which has a big impact on the body and mind.

Something to try: Place your LEFT hand on the back of your RIGHT upper arm and your RIGHT hand on the back of your LEFT upper arm then gently squeeze or pat. This is grounding and consoling the wounded parts of you and dealing with trauma to your system. 

So, as I now go into my day, I am encouraging myself to be kind and loving to me and to all those I come into contact with. We are all battling something in life, if we think LOVE, we shall be LOVE….. pain or no pain.

Namaste.

I Believe……

I Believe…….

I am a big ‘Little Me’.
I inhabit a large body,
a body of size, a body housing
a big Spirit and a minimal mind.
In my head I am a dancer, a diver,
an elegant, tall, thin Sally……
and then I giggle a smidging
at the very ‘notioned’ thought……
I laugh at myself as I pirouette
around and about, in and out
of all parts of me……………
Yet then I see this ageing self
in the glass upon the wall ….
a self where the years have
garnerd lines, rolls, width and curves
and I wonder:
“do I truly believe this is really me?
Who is ‘Me’? Where does the ‘I’
in me reside?” and inwardly I
toss my aching shoulders skyward!
All I know is this: my belief doesn’t
KNOW what I know about me……
skinny, vulnerable ‘Little Me’.

Around ‘Encouragement’

The word ‘Encourage’ has always meant to me to imbue with curage/courage…. it’s apparently a word which goes back to the 15th century…. we need it today more than ever, I would say. It implies instilling life; that is precisely how I experience it. Here is a little offering:

Encouragement is Life.

Give me break when
I tell you how I am!
I don’t need your lambasting
or your controlling words……
You want me to change?
Then put away that stick
and offer the carrot to
help me see in the dark.
When you encourage me
with your laughter and bright
smile, I come alive and want to LIVE.
Encouragement IS Life…..
and surely you should know,
a plant would never grow
if the sun scowled upon it!